Tips for successfully managing your anger - Part 3

Like we mentioned in the previous post, the ill-effects of rage and anger can be extremely harmful, both physically and emotionally. (Click here to read part 2)

 So, it is important that we also learn how to handle it and find ways of altering our behaviour and better alternatives. 

We know that it is not always possible to control the emotions and no matter how calm a person you are, there would be times where things could get on your nerves and elicit an adverse reaction in rage. Here are some of the ways that you can manage anger and your responses to it. 

The first thing that might be helpful is to understand is how the brain works and what causes this reaction. Anger is one of the most basic emotions and has been a crucial part of human evolution. It is part of the fight or flight response of the brain, whereby it was also important for survival. The amygdala in the brain releases a series of stress hormones like epinephrine, which affect your overall preparedness for a fight, and you get the adrenaline boost, bringing your body into a battle-ready state. Even today it has it uses in limited ways, but the motivation lasts for a very short time and overwhelmingly the ill-effects overweigh any advantages that it brings. 

As we know the brain is mainly divided into two parts, the right brain, and the left brain. The right brain is mostly responsible for an instantaneous and emotional response whereas the left brain is the logical brain and is normally associated with the rational and empathetic response. 

Most of the times anger, as we understand it, results from the right brain response, where we are eager to respond in an emotionally charged state without thinking about the consequences of the actions. So, the most important thing to do in such situations is to exercise some mindful constraint and purposefully delay your response. In general, this can range from 5 to 15 minutes, by which time the left brain can take over and produce a much calmer and logically sound response to the situation. 

One of the most common examples of this can also be seen in online or digital rage, where we read an email or text message which enrages us and we instantly start clicking our fingers all over the keyboard with lightning speed, ignoring all the spelling errors and autocorrections, to give them a piece of our minds. Often, this is the worst sort of response that we could have made to that and we immediately realize this once the message has been sent. If only you would have just waited for a few minutes, while you calmed down a bit, the response would have been much better than that. 

Mostly it is not what you say or write that worsens the situation, but how you express it, that can create trouble. So, it is important to practice the usage of the right words to express yourself, even when the situation is adverse. 

Even in the good old days before the advent of the Internet, this was one of the techniques that was used also by Abraham Lincoln, where he even wrote letters addressed towards the people he was angry on, but never sent them. 

One of the famous unsent letters was for General Meade during the American Civil War, which was a scathing attack on the General’s ability, after he had disobeyed his orders, which had allowed the confederate General Lee to escape with his soldiers over the Potomac river. Lincoln instead gave him encouragement and showed trust in him, when he had calmed down, and eventually this led to the end of the Civil War and win for the Union. 

So to calm down in such situations and to resist the urge of giving instant reactions, you could try some of the relaxation techniques by controlling your breathing, where just 2 to 3 minutes of deep breathing could start to bring back your control over your emotions. Count backwards from 100 to 1 and intentionally start relaxing the muscles in your body – unclench your fists and loosen those shoulders. 

You will soon realize that this creates a much better response when you are calm and helps in resolving the issues. 

Another thing you should try, and practice is to anticipate situations that you kind of know will make you angry, either from your past experiences or from active imagination of unfavourable situations. 

Also journaling your thoughts and preferred reactions to such situations can help in being prepared for circumstances where you might have to use them. For this you need to seek the context and think rationally, instead of emotionally. 

If you practice even a few of the above techniques, I am sure you would have found a better way to understand your rage and manage your anger responses, leading to a more successful life full of contentment.